


Writing Retreat

by RileyRooin



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Cliche, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Misunderstandings, tropetastictuesday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 20:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10647618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RileyRooin/pseuds/RileyRooin
Summary: The plan was simple: rent a cottage and spend the weekend writing. But, when the caretaker mistakes Rhett and Link for a married couple, their plans are tossed to the side.Written for Tropetastic Tuesday #6: Pretending to be a couple / fake married. Up to 3,000 words.





	Writing Retreat

“Do you think she recognized us?” Rhett asked.

“Dunno. Maybe?” Link shielded his eyes from the sun as they approached their designated cottage. “All I care about right now is getting something written. This writer's block is killing us.”

“Shit. Link, look.” Rhett nudged his shoulder and pointed at the backseat of the car parked in front of the cottage next to theirs. Link immediately recognized the GMM hoodie. The two shared an uneasy look. They loved the Mythical Beasts and had so much gratitude towards them, but this was supposed to be time to work uninterrupted. They never could tell how well a fan might respect their boundaries, especially if they were right next door.

“We can't stay here,” Rhett said.

“I told you we shoulda just rented the same place we did for Season One of Buddy System.” Link's voice was tired, his heart not really into engaging in the same argument they'd had multiple times before leaving LA.

“It wasn't available last minute. I did the best I could. Come on.” He turned on his heel and marched back to the office. Link followed after him. Over his shoulder, Rhett said, “Work your charm, man. See if you can get us moved.”

The caretaker looked up as they reentered the office. “Back so soon?”

“Yeah.” Link leaned on the counter, offering her a tiny smile. “Mary, is there any chance you have another cottage available?”

“Something wrong with that one?”

“No, no, it’s great. It’s just…” Link glanced at Rhett, hoping his friend was right about Mary knowing them. “We were hoping to be a little more discrete.”

“Discrete?” Her mouth fell into a disapproving frown. “Listen, boys, your rental agreement is only for two people. Additional guests — even if they're only for one night — will cost you extra.”

Again, Link’s eyes went to Rhett, who seemed just as confused as he did by this statement. “Who said anything about additional guests?”

“I assumed you were talking about bringing some lady friends you might pick up at the local watering hole back to your cottage.”

“Oh, gosh! No!” Rhett shook his head violently. “We’re married.” To punctuate this point, he lifted his left hand. Link did the same.

“Oh.” Mary’s eyes studied their wedding bands. “Then, I guess I’m at a loss for why you boys would need discretion.”

“Well, it’s because of… who we are,” Rhett said. Link tried to keep his face neutral, but he felt a bit disgusted at hearing these words coming from Rhett’s mouth. They’d never been ones to play the fame card.

“Who you are?” Her eyes flicked back and forth between their faces, and then down to their wedding bands again. Suddenly, her features softened. “Oh… Oh! Of course. People are probably always trying to butt into your private affairs, aren’t they?”

“Exactly,” Rhett sighed, some of the tension leaving his shoulders. Link wasn’t able to relax, though. Something felt off about her reaction.

“Tell you what,” Mary began, lowering the volume of her voice so they had to lean closer to hear her. “I do have another cottage available. It’s smaller, but secluded from the others. I usually charge more for it, but since no one rented it and you boys are so sweet, I’ll give it to you for the same price.”

“Wow, Mary, that’s so nice of you,” Rhett said.

“Yeah, well, live and let live is what I say. I know not everyone gets that, though. Don’t need you feeling harassed while you’re on my turf. I’ll need a few hours to get it set up, though. There’s a sandwich shop up the road I think you’ll enjoy. Stretch here looks like he could use to be fed.” She tilted her head toward Rhett. “Why don’t you check it out while I get everything sorted out for you?”

After getting directions, they returned to their car. Once they were on the road, Link finally voiced his concern, “Um, I don’t think she recognized us.”

“What? Of course she did. Why else would she have comped us the upcharge on the other cottage?”

Link lay his hand on Rhett’s arm. “I think she thought we were a couple.”

Rhett laughed heartily. When Link didn’t join him, he stopped abruptly and said, “Wait. You can’t be serious.”

“I’m telling you.”

“You’re wrong.” He shook his head. “You’re being paranoid. Let’s go find some food. I’m starving.”

*****

“This is the part where you tell me I was right,” Link said.

Rhett, who had been rendered uncharacteristically speechless by the objects in his hands, could only shake his head.

“Okay, then, genius, please give me another explanation for why she left us a bottle of lube and a box of condoms.”

“I…” Rhett began, then shook his head. “I’ve got nothing.”

“No? Maybe you can explain this, then?” Link gestured at the bed, which was covered with dark red silk sheets and various throw pillows in the shape of hearts.

Before Rhett could stutter out a reply, they heard a loud knock against the front door. Startled, Rhett dropped the box of condoms on the floor. Link shot him a knowing look as he led the way through the bedroom door — under a sign that proclaimed “Welcome to the Love Nest” — to the front door of the cottage. Predictably, they found Mary standing there.

“Just checking to make sure everything is to your liking.”

“Yes, it's great!” Link's voice was too loud, too enthusiastic. He knew he needed to dial it back a bit or she would suspect they weren't the sweet couple she assumed they were. If she figured that out, she might boot them out of the cottage. Despite the questionable interior design choices, its seclusion would be perfect for holing up to get some writing done.

Mary didn't seem to notice Link's tone. She pointed at Rhett. “Ahh, I see you found my little present.”

Dumbfounded, Rhett's eyes dropped to his hand, which still held the bottle of lube, clutching it like a security blanket. His cheeks reddened as he looked to Link for help.

Link scratched at the back of his neck, feeling his own cheeks warm as he tried to speak. “Um…”

“Come on, now. It's nothing to be embarrassed about. Sex is a beautiful, natural part of life.” She gestured at the house behind them. “There's also a hot tub out on the deck that's perfect for stargazing. And I put a bottle of bubbly in the fridge. I wasn’t sure if you were celebrating something special, so thought I’d cover my bases just in case you were here for a birthday or an anniversary.”

Rhett still seemed to have no capacity for speech, so Link once again took the lead. He spoke without thinking. “Thanks! That's so generous. Our anniversary was a few weeks ago, but work has kept us so busy that we haven't had a chance to celebrate. We thought coming here would be a good way for us to reconnect.” He took Rhett’s free hand in his, lacing their fingers together as though he’d done it thousands of times before. It wasn’t like they hadn’t ever held hands, or played a role. If need be, they could pretend to be Rhett and Link the couple for as long as it took to get her to leave.

“Anniversary!” Mary smiled, a wide, toothy grin that stretched her whole face. “You have to let me cook you a romantic dinner.”

“What? No, no, no. You've already been too kind to us. We'll just eat the food we brought along.”

“Not on my watch. You aren't eating food from a cooler to commemorate your anniversary. Love is a gift that should be celebrated properly.” She looked down at their interlocked hands. “I can tell that what you two have is something special.”

Link made another feeble attempt at resisting, while Rhett squeezed his hand so tightly he was sure he was causing damage. Mary, however, wouldn't be swayed. Before long, Link reluctantly agreed they would join her at the office that evening where she would serve them a moonlit dinner they would never forget.

The door shut behind her. This seemed to shake Rhett from his stupor. He yanked his hand from Link's. “What are you thinking? We have work to do! We can’t go to some candlelit dinner and pretend to be a couple!”

“Thanks for finally finding your voice, man! I had to say something. If she finds out we aren’t a couple, she might charge us double for this place.”

“Always the frugal one, eh, Neal?” Rhett ran a hand through his hair. This was a new habit he’d picked up ever since letting his obsessive hair care routine go a bit more lax. Not for the first time, Link found his eyes drawn to the way Rhett’s fingers moved so gracefully through the strands. He quickly averted his eyes. “Okay, fine. This isn’t a big deal. We go there, have a meal, then come back here and spend the rest of the time getting some writing done.”

Link nodded. “We should probably come up with a backstory, so we’re on the same page.”

“Good idea. C’mon, let’s go figure that out.”

*****

They decided to stick with a slightly altered version of their basic story: lifelong best friends who realized in college that they were so much more. Link blinked up at Rhett as they strolled toward the office. The story wasn't totally unbelievable. If they'd grown up in a different setting or at a different time, maybe that could have been their reality. There _had_ been that one night in college with the bottle of rum, the almost kiss, and— He shook his head to try to clear those thoughts from his brain. They'd agreed never to discuss that night ever again.

Rhett kept up a steady stream of chatter, unaware that Link's mind was on other things. “Tonight could be good research if we decide to use this fake couple thing as a plot point for the next season of Buddy System. Let's give it our all.”

As he guided them into the office, Rhett's hand rested against the small of Link’s back. It wasn't the first time he'd touched Link this way, but there was something softer about the way he did it tonight. Link felt goosebumps rise on his arms and tried to shake off the feeling. Rhett was just playing a part.

“Head out back, boys. Table's all set for ya!” Mary's muffled voice came from a backroom of the office.

On the back deck, the moonlight illuminated a perfectly quaint table set for two overlooking a pristine lakefront. The red and white checkered tablecloth and wicker breadbasket were reminiscent of the “Shock Collar Theatre” episode of GMM. Only this time, there were no wigs or scripted words or jolts of electricity. Despite that, it _was_ a performance, and when it came to those, Rhett and Link were seasoned experts.

They were hardly seated before Rhett took his hand across the table, a gleam in his eye. How quickly he’d shifted from anger to enthusiasm about their current situation.

“Babe, this is perfect,” he murmured these words, his voice soft, but loud enough that Link was sure Mary could hear if she was lurking nearby. “It’s almost as perfect as you.”

Link giggled, unnerved by how convincing Rhett made the words sound. “Rhett… Stop.”

“I’m just speaking the truth,” he said, tenderly caressing Link’s hand with his thumb.

“Good evening, boys,” Mary said. “I’ve prepared a nice romantic meal for you two. Pretend like I’m not even here. Enjoy yourselves.”

The meal was simple: spaghetti with a bottle of serviceable red table wine. Despite Mary’s words, it was hard to forget she was just inside the office, no doubt checking on them from time to time. It was easier to assume she was always watching, though, so both men threw themselves wholeheartedly into their performance. Throughout the evening, Rhett flirted with him relentlessly, causing Link to giggle and gulp down more wine than he normally would. By the end of the meal, Link's head felt foggy. He didn't even remember scooting his chair over so it was next to Rhett's. The two men sat facing the shimmering moonlit lake, Rhett's arm slung over Link's shoulder. It would be so easy to curl up against Rhett's chest and fall asleep right there.

“Hey, don't fall asleep on me, bo,” Rhett spoke softly into his ear. “She's still watching us and we have one more part of this performance left.”

“We do?”

“Mmm-hmm: the grand finale. Come with me.”

They strolled to the end of the dock, hands laced together. As they turned to face each other, Link no longer felt tired or tipsy. If anything, he felt hyperaware of everything around them.

Rhett spoke first. “She shouldn't be able to hear us out here.”

“No.”

“But, she's probably still watching us.”

Link shrugged. The way Rhett was looking at him was unsettling. It brought up feelings he had forced himself to forget long ago. He silently chided himself for having so much wine. It made it hard to think clearly. He reminded himself again this was all just an act.

“I'm gonna kiss you.” Rhett said these words matter-of-factly.

“What? Why?” Now Link was completely awake.

“That’s the grand finale. If we were a real couple, we’d kiss after a meal like that.” He tilted his head to the side. “That okay with you?”

Link shrugged again, lowering his eyes to their feet. He scuffed the toe of his shoe against the weathered wood of the dock. It was one thing to flirt a bit and pretend to be a couple while eating dinner, but kissing? Link wasn't sure he was prepared for that. He didn't have time to protest before Rhett's hand cupped his cheek and gently tilted his chin up. At this angle, he was forced to maintain eye contact with Rhett. He noticed they'd unconsciously synched their breathing together.

Link laughed, hoping to cover his nervousness. “If you're gonna do it, just do it already, man. This is—”

His words disappeared as Rhett dove forward, pressing his lips to Link's. They stood like that, unmoving until Link remembered their audience. He slammed his eyes shut and snaked his arms around Rhett's back as he began kissing his friend in earnest. They had to make this look realistic. He didn't have time to dwell on the unfamiliar feel of Rhett's beard against his face, or the way Rhett's fingers pressed into the nape of his neck, or the lingering traces of garlic and red wine on Rhett's tongue. He concentrated on making this look like their millionth kiss, not their first one.

Even as he tried to convince himself this kiss was just part of their performance, his mind raced as he contemplated what was happening. There was the world Link knew prior to kissing Rhett. It was safe and familiar. It involved a wife, a family, a job he loved, and a comforting predictability. And now, a new world stood in front of him. This was the post-kiss world. In this world, Rhett was the sun and everything revolved around him. In the pre-kiss world, oxygen was necessary for living. In the post-kiss one, Rhett’s lips were the most important way to sustain life.

Link's cheeks burned at these thoughts. This was a performance. Nothing more. It was only for show. Rhett’s intoxicating kisses were not real. The way he pulled Link's body closer was simply to convince the caretaker they were a couple in love. It didn’t mean anything.

They broke the kiss, but remained locked in their embrace. Rhett smiled down at him and said, “Do you think she bought it?”

“I mean, how could she not? We’re pretty amazing.”

“Hmm,” Rhett brushed a few strands of Link's hair back from his forehead. “I think this could definitely work as a plot.”

Link nodded, his stomach dropping. Of course Rhett hadn't felt anything. Of course it all came back to their potential script. He swallowed hard and focused his gaze on Rhett’s shoulder.

“But, we'd probably better do some more research.”

“What?” Link head snapped up so he looked into Rhett’s eyes again.

“Yeah. One kiss under the moon isn't gonna cut it for a whole season. We're gonna need to explore other angles, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. I mean, we do have that hot tub.” His hand pressed lightly against the back of Link’s head, bringing their lips closer again. “And that bottle of champagne.”

“Oh. Well, yeah. For research,” Link whispered.

Rhett exhaled, his breath warm against Link’s lips. “And the other presents she left us in the bedroom?”

“Easy there, Casanova.”

“I like to be thorough.”

“Me, too, but one step at a time.”

“Mmm. Fine. I think I should kiss you again.”

“For research?”

“For research.” Rhett agreed, closing the remaining distance between them as their lips met once again.

**Author's Note:**

> On [Tumblr](rileyrooin.tumblr.com), I promised a fluffy, cliched tropetastic fic. Here is it. Comments and kudos are appreciated! <3


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